May 21, 2007

Holy sex and violence, Batman!

Posted in Language, Religion at 10:03 am by The Lizard Queen

The news item floating around about people trying to get the Bible banned in Hong Kong because of its sexual and violent content inspired the Dark Wraith to extract and make “sardonic commentary” on over 100 verses and passages from both the Old and New Testaments. As you can probably imagine, much of what goes on therein doesn’t exactly hold up well under contemporary scrutiny. A sampling:

Genesis 25:1-6 | Keeping mistresses is not adultery.
•• Maybe not, but it might be suicide when your wife finds out, Sparky. ••

Genesis 39:1-23 | The wife of the master wants to ride the “handsome and well-built” but trustworthy slave, he turns her down over and over again, so she says he tried to rape her, yada-yada-yada.
•• This story is so lame it wouldn’t even make it onto the Jerry Springer show these days. ••

Judges 8:30 | Gideon had seventy sons by a whole bunch of wives and (at least) one by a concubine.
•• Gideon had an expensive hobby, that’s what Gideon had (and Gideon could have used a prescription for anti-Viagra, too) ••

And there’s so much more, with links to each of the verses/passages.

Incidentally, I can’t help but wonder what those who insist on taking the Bible literally think about some of those verses. Like, oh, say, Deuteronomy 28:56-57:

(56) The most gentle and sensitive woman among you—so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot—will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter (57) the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For she intends to eat them secretly during the siege and in the distress that your enemy will inflict on you in your cities.

Me, I’ve got nothing.

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