December 6, 2007

Thursday YouTubein’ — ROBOTS!

Posted in Apropos of nothing, Consumer info, Humor at 8:05 pm by The Lizard Queen

The following video is a re-post here at the Realm, but worry not — there is a method to my madness:

Here’s why I thought of the above video, aside from the fact that it never fails to amuse me: Saturday night Evil Bender and I headed out to Kansas City to see No Country for Old Men (we’re fans of the Coen brothers, and it wasn’t showing here, or even in Lawrence). As we were driving back we passed a billboard for some sort of AM radio commentator, and the most prominent phrase on it was the quote/title/wev “Act Your Wage.”

“‘Act Your Wage’?” I said. “What the hell does that even mean? I’m unemployed; what does that say about how I’m supposed to act?”

“Indeed,” Evil Bender replied, “but did you see the American flag up there? I’m betting he’s one of the wingnuttiest of wingnuts.” He then proceeded to tune the station in. On it a man with a British accent was giving some statistics about how many women own vibrators, and went on to say that the numbers suggested that many women might even own TWO vibrators!

I expected him to go on to say that such things are damaging marriage in America or some such fundy nonsense. Instead, we soon discovered we had found the motherlode of craziness: he explained that it wouldn’t be long before women were turning to robots — yes, robots — to satisfy their needs. That way they’d be able to get all the pleasure they currently get from their vibrators, but it would be able to hold them and whisper “I love you, my darling” into their ears. (I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried, folks.) He went on, and on, and then it turned out he was a guest on a show, and the host asked him clarifying questions, and I got the impression — even as I was, by that point, laughing so hard my eyes were watering — that a big part of why the host was taking him so seriously was his accent, because we all know that everything sounds smarter if you say it with a British accent.

So, for all you ladies out there who feel like your vibrators just aren’t doting on you the way you’d like them to, fear not! The necessary technology may well be available sooner than any of us dared hope.

(WARNING: Persons denying the existence of Robots may be Robots themselves.)



  1. Kevin L. said,

    Are you sure it was a British accent? A Dutch scientist recently published a paper suggesting that people will be marrying robots within fifty years:


  2. […] to I am the Lizard Queen! and Greg […]

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